New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
