Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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