worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
