chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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