we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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