Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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