filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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