I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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