My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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