I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
