please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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