Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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