I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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