So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
