Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
