in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
