i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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