I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
