I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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