I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
