I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
