So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
