Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
