This girl is more easily done than said...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
