Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize