the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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