Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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