Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
