Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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