So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
