Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
