If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
