official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
