just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
