Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
