apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
