Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
