I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
