We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
