did you get engaged???
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
