she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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