wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
