I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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