I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
