I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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