I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I could make wine with my vomit
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
