The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
