You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
