i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
