No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
