Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
PS: I just woke up from my shower
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
