I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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