I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
