So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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