I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
