was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
