Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
