Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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