sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
