i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
