matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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