he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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