apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
