It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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