she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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