Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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