he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
