Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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