pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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