So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
There's even glitter on my cock...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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