If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
