Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
