Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize